Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Benevolent Christmas Burglary

During National Novel Writing Month, I mentioned to my dad that I'd bought a new computer chair since mine was like a torture rack.  He said they should get one since theirs was like sitting on a tree stump.  I knew then what I was going to get them.

Last Friday, I went to OfficeMax and picked out a chair for them, slightly superior to mine.  It was in a massive box which barely fit in my car.  I knew I wouldn't be able to take it and my dog over to their house on Christmas day so I began formulating a plan.  Once I subtly determined that neither of them would be home today, I sprung into action.

I drove to their house, used the code to open their garage door, and hauled the chair components inside.  On my second trip, I could tell their cat was going to be the complication.  She was already getting too comfortable inside the garage.

While humming the Grinch theme song, I quickly assembled the chair, having pre-assembled most of it before bringing it over.  Once it was complete, I wheeled it into the back of their utility room and cunningly stashed it behind some empty Christmas decoration boxes.  Once that was complete, I looked for any trace of my passing and went outside.

Sure enough, the cat was sleeping on a high shelf in the garage.  I finally got her down and put her outside the garage so I could close it and she kept running back in.  Finally, I gave her a gentle toss and keyed in the code. There was a brief moment where I thought she'd try to get past me but she lost interest and walked away.

I got in my car and started her up.  I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the cat was laying in the driveway, directly in my path.  After briefly imagining running over the cat and having to hide the carcass so no one would know I was there, I honked the horn a few times and started backing up.  Luckily, she got the hell out of the way and I was on the road, my burglary a complete success.

1 comment:

  1. Ahaha, the cat is on to you. just feel lucky she hasn't mastered English yet so she could tell on you.