Last night when I got home, I noticed one of my downspouts was clogged and water was flowing over the top and into my flowerbed. I tried ignoring it but the thought of my gutter breaking off wouldn't leave my head. Finally, I put down The Egg Said Nothing and went out into the rain.
The yard was spongy but I placed the ladder anyway. I cautiously climbed up on the roof and was amazed at the amount of sludge that had accumulated in the gutter since late October. I removed a fistful of decomposing leaves from the downspout and the water rushed out in a torrent. I started for the ladder but then, since I was already wet, went about cleaning out the other gutters.
I've come to the conclusion that the gutter guards I'm using are flimsy pieces of crap that couldn't guard a pile of cat shit against an unsuspecting shoe. I guess I'll add gutter guards to my list of projects for tomorrow, right next to sitting around, getting a haircut, and reading.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
It's that time of year again
Yeah, it's getting to be the time of year again when I carry my camera and closeup lens with me every time I leave the house. The honeysuckle that's infesting the wooded parts of my neighborhood is attracting numerous species of butterfly and bumblebees the size and approximate shape of Cadbury Creme Eggs. That might be a slight exaggeration. I took a few pictures last night but haven't had time to do anything with them yet.
May is going to be a busy month, like it is every year. Mother's Day, Memorial Day, etc. I'm thinking about taking the next two Fridays off. I need to get my air conditioner looked at before it gets too hot and I've got some yardwork to do once my lawn goes from being a shallow inland sea to merely a swampy marsh.
I may have mentioned it before but I've had a rotten tree in my yard for three or four years now. It's sheathed in an orangish-brown hairy fungus, as well as those white clamshell shaped mushrooms that grow on all dead trees. After all the wind and rain over the weekend, guess which tree toppled over Saturday night? Wrong! It was the still-healthy tree right next to it. It looked as if the roots had been rotting away despite the upper parts of the tree being in seemingly good health. Luckily my neighbor was dying to escape the Easter preparation and we took care of it in ten minutes.
May is going to be a busy month, like it is every year. Mother's Day, Memorial Day, etc. I'm thinking about taking the next two Fridays off. I need to get my air conditioner looked at before it gets too hot and I've got some yardwork to do once my lawn goes from being a shallow inland sea to merely a swampy marsh.
I may have mentioned it before but I've had a rotten tree in my yard for three or four years now. It's sheathed in an orangish-brown hairy fungus, as well as those white clamshell shaped mushrooms that grow on all dead trees. After all the wind and rain over the weekend, guess which tree toppled over Saturday night? Wrong! It was the still-healthy tree right next to it. It looked as if the roots had been rotting away despite the upper parts of the tree being in seemingly good health. Luckily my neighbor was dying to escape the Easter preparation and we took care of it in ten minutes.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The 13 Stigmata of Nicole Cushing (Actually just an interview)
My series of interviews with the 2010-2011 New Bizarro Authors continues with Nicole Cushing, author of How to Eat Fried Furries
How did your becoming one of the New Bizarro Authors come about?
Back in 2009 I was beginning to hang around the Bizarro Central message board and saw the posting of submission guidelines for the NBAS. I had some weird short stories that other publishers liked, but they all thought the stories were a little too weird. I started reading about the sort of fiction the Bizarros were creating, and it seemed like a good fit for this particular project, so I sent the stories to Eraserhead, collected as How To Eat Fried Furries.
Of the 2010-2011 New Bizarro writers, you're the only one with a short story collection. What are your feelings on short stories vs. novels?
I love both, but they really are two different experiences (both as a reader and a writer). The short story is engineered to deliver intensity. The novel is engineered to deliver a more lavish, complex story, sometimes told at a bit more of a recreational pace. There are some tales better told as a short story, and others better told as a novel. I think, in speculative fiction, the novel is the ideal form to tell stories set in a particularly intricate secondary world or future world. I think the short story is the ideal form for a “gut punch” sort of tale that delivers a visceral emotional effect. Neither is superior to other.
How much contact to you have with the other New Bizarro authors? I know I picture you all hanging out at the Hall of Justice like the Superfriends.
We all met at last year's BizarroCon, and there's a lot of helpful discussion between authors via the net. I like the Superfriends comparison, though. If I were one of the WonderTwins, then all I'd have to do is say “Shape of...a full-time author!”
Was there a book that made you reallize you wanted to be a writer?
Not one book, in particular. Growing up, I read a fair number of comic books and scary stuff written for kids – but no one book jumps out as “the one” that inspired me. But I think that, from an early age, I so enjoyed books – all books, really – that I knew I wanted to write them. I can remember wanting to be an author since first or second grade.
Who are some of your influences?
I'm probably not the best judge of my own work, but I'll venture to say that as far as literary influences go... Phillip K. Dick, Thomas Ligotti, H.P. Lovecraft, and – especially recently – Gary Braunbeck,
What's your favorite book?
That's an almost-impossible question. There are so many great ones out there that it's very difficult to choose just one, and if you ask me tomorrow I'll give you a different answer. Just for today, I'll say that it's between PKD's The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch and Ligotti's Teatro Grottesco.
Who's your favorite author?
Again, an almost-impossible question. There are so many great authors out there. So, again, I'll narrow it down between two. For short stories, my favorite author is Thomas Ligotti. At the novel length, my favorite author is Phillip K. Dick.
What's the best book you've read in the last six months?
I think I just read The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch in the past six months and that's now my favorite book. But just to avoid repetition, I'll also mention this great book, Yellow Blue Tibia by Adam Roberts
Which 1980's teen comedy is your favorite?
Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It's all about ditching school in order to get an education. If more kids followed Ferris' example, we'd have a smarter country.
If you were a professional wrestler, what would your stage name be?
The truth is writer-themed wrestling personas have been slim pickings, historically. The only one that comes to mind was “The Genius” Lanny Poffo, who in the late-80s WWF would recite a poem or two upon entering the ring. Continuing, then, on the poetry theme, I would call myself “Lady Lazarus” (after the Sylvia Plath work of the same name). I would take on all comers, male and female, and would humiliate my unconscious foes by stuffing the pages from trade paperback editions of Ariel into their mouths. My signature move would be a sleeper hold I'd call “the oven”. But my weakness would be that if opponents taunted me too much and lowered my self-esteem, I'd put “the oven” on myself and pass out.
Who was your favorite character on Scooby Doo?
I really didn't care for any of them. All of the mysteries would have been solved much sooner if Scooby had been a talking cat.
Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?
I'm not sure how much my advice is worth, since I'm a newer author, myself. And, of course, I can only share what's worked for me. But since you asked, here goes..
Turn off the television. Unless you plan to be a screenwriter, don't watch movies. Then, read as much fiction as you possibly can. If you plan to be a genre writer then there's a decided advantage to reading genre fiction, but the most important thing is to become well-acquainted with the topography of language. Then write fiction every day. Every day, especially at first. It might only be 250 words a day at first, and that's okay. I started writing 250-500 words a day and now I'm up to writing 1,000 or 2,000 words at a sitting – it just took a couple of years of steady practice to get to that point.
Read every day, write every day. It's one of those things that's simple, but not easy.
What's next for Nicole Cushing?
I'm about half-way through the first draft of a science fiction novel. There's humor here and there, but nothing quite so silly as Fried Furries. I'm really enjoying the process of growing and trying new things.
How did your becoming one of the New Bizarro Authors come about?
Back in 2009 I was beginning to hang around the Bizarro Central message board and saw the posting of submission guidelines for the NBAS. I had some weird short stories that other publishers liked, but they all thought the stories were a little too weird. I started reading about the sort of fiction the Bizarros were creating, and it seemed like a good fit for this particular project, so I sent the stories to Eraserhead, collected as How To Eat Fried Furries.
Of the 2010-2011 New Bizarro writers, you're the only one with a short story collection. What are your feelings on short stories vs. novels?
I love both, but they really are two different experiences (both as a reader and a writer). The short story is engineered to deliver intensity. The novel is engineered to deliver a more lavish, complex story, sometimes told at a bit more of a recreational pace. There are some tales better told as a short story, and others better told as a novel. I think, in speculative fiction, the novel is the ideal form to tell stories set in a particularly intricate secondary world or future world. I think the short story is the ideal form for a “gut punch” sort of tale that delivers a visceral emotional effect. Neither is superior to other.
How much contact to you have with the other New Bizarro authors? I know I picture you all hanging out at the Hall of Justice like the Superfriends.
We all met at last year's BizarroCon, and there's a lot of helpful discussion between authors via the net. I like the Superfriends comparison, though. If I were one of the WonderTwins, then all I'd have to do is say “Shape of...a full-time author!”
Was there a book that made you reallize you wanted to be a writer?
Not one book, in particular. Growing up, I read a fair number of comic books and scary stuff written for kids – but no one book jumps out as “the one” that inspired me. But I think that, from an early age, I so enjoyed books – all books, really – that I knew I wanted to write them. I can remember wanting to be an author since first or second grade.
Who are some of your influences?
I'm probably not the best judge of my own work, but I'll venture to say that as far as literary influences go... Phillip K. Dick, Thomas Ligotti, H.P. Lovecraft, and – especially recently – Gary Braunbeck,
What's your favorite book?
That's an almost-impossible question. There are so many great ones out there that it's very difficult to choose just one, and if you ask me tomorrow I'll give you a different answer. Just for today, I'll say that it's between PKD's The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch and Ligotti's Teatro Grottesco.
Who's your favorite author?
Again, an almost-impossible question. There are so many great authors out there. So, again, I'll narrow it down between two. For short stories, my favorite author is Thomas Ligotti. At the novel length, my favorite author is Phillip K. Dick.
What's the best book you've read in the last six months?
I think I just read The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch in the past six months and that's now my favorite book. But just to avoid repetition, I'll also mention this great book, Yellow Blue Tibia by Adam Roberts
Which 1980's teen comedy is your favorite?
Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It's all about ditching school in order to get an education. If more kids followed Ferris' example, we'd have a smarter country.
If you were a professional wrestler, what would your stage name be?
The truth is writer-themed wrestling personas have been slim pickings, historically. The only one that comes to mind was “The Genius” Lanny Poffo, who in the late-80s WWF would recite a poem or two upon entering the ring. Continuing, then, on the poetry theme, I would call myself “Lady Lazarus” (after the Sylvia Plath work of the same name). I would take on all comers, male and female, and would humiliate my unconscious foes by stuffing the pages from trade paperback editions of Ariel into their mouths. My signature move would be a sleeper hold I'd call “the oven”. But my weakness would be that if opponents taunted me too much and lowered my self-esteem, I'd put “the oven” on myself and pass out.
Who was your favorite character on Scooby Doo?
I really didn't care for any of them. All of the mysteries would have been solved much sooner if Scooby had been a talking cat.
Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?
I'm not sure how much my advice is worth, since I'm a newer author, myself. And, of course, I can only share what's worked for me. But since you asked, here goes..
Turn off the television. Unless you plan to be a screenwriter, don't watch movies. Then, read as much fiction as you possibly can. If you plan to be a genre writer then there's a decided advantage to reading genre fiction, but the most important thing is to become well-acquainted with the topography of language. Then write fiction every day. Every day, especially at first. It might only be 250 words a day at first, and that's okay. I started writing 250-500 words a day and now I'm up to writing 1,000 or 2,000 words at a sitting – it just took a couple of years of steady practice to get to that point.
Read every day, write every day. It's one of those things that's simple, but not easy.
What's next for Nicole Cushing?
I'm about half-way through the first draft of a science fiction novel. There's humor here and there, but nothing quite so silly as Fried Furries. I'm really enjoying the process of growing and trying new things.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Swampy Saturday
This morning, my alarm clock went off and I swore it was Tuesday for some reason. After a brief moment wondering what I was going to wear to work, I came to my senses and went back to bed for a couple hours.
Here we are, on the eve of my favorite egg and rabbit-themed holiday and the whole world is a swamp. That should make for some fun egg hunting tomorrow. Not to mention some good dog exercise today.
I was walking Belle last night, the first time I didn't have my camera with me in weeks, and I missed some golden opportunities. I saw a big blue dragonfly and two monarch butterflies. Both were docile rather than flitting around. Probably because they knew they were in no danger of losing their souls to my camera. Damn it.
Here we are, on the eve of my favorite egg and rabbit-themed holiday and the whole world is a swamp. That should make for some fun egg hunting tomorrow. Not to mention some good dog exercise today.
I was walking Belle last night, the first time I didn't have my camera with me in weeks, and I missed some golden opportunities. I saw a big blue dragonfly and two monarch butterflies. Both were docile rather than flitting around. Probably because they knew they were in no danger of losing their souls to my camera. Damn it.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The Eggman - 13 Questions with Caris O'Malley
My series of interviews of the New Bizarro Authors continues with Caris O'Malley, author of The Egg Said Nothing
How did your becoming one of the New Bizarro Authors come about?
In November of 2009, I wrote a novel. It was kind of weird. I had just written it for fun and never expected to do anything with it. I wrote a book, and that was enough for me. One day, while surfing the Internet at work, I was perusing my Amazon recommendations. Those crazy bastards suggested, based on my history, that I might enjoy such titles as The Haunted Vagina, HELP! A Bear is Eating Me! , and The Baby Jesus Butt Plug.
As you might expect, I let out an audible “what the fuck?!” and investigated these odd titles. It turned out that they were all published by the same company: Eraserhead Press. I went to their website and looked around a bit. I was mightily impressed by their catalog, which featured many books that sounded interesting, funny, or just plain wrong. I decided to contact them and see if they were in the market for a book about an egg, time travel, and shovel murders. As it turns out, they were.
An Egg? Time Travel? Shovel Murders? Tell us how The Egg Said Nothing came to be.
It was National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org). I had never participated before, but I was excited about it. I wanted to adhere to the rules and write a book from beginning to end, one that I had never started.
But there were complications. About two weeks before the start of the month, I became a father. It was a huge adjustment for me and resulted in a lot of lost sleep. To make matters worse, my daughter had colic and spent the majority of her time howling like something that oft howls. That first day came around and I drew a blank. I had no idea what to write about. I had my computer on, the document open, and a crying babe on my knee.
So my mind started racing. I started to panic a bit. I had entertained the thought of writing a really great novel. I’m into literary fiction, and that was what I thought I’d be writing. But I couldn’t think of dramatic dialogue and subtle characterizations. Blame it on the newness of my fatherhood, but I started thinking about eggs. Specifically, what would I do if I laid one.
This, I thought, was a decent idea. I’d write about this goofy idea for the sheer fun of it. It was the only way I was going to make it through that particular NaNoWriMo. But then I got into it. I really got into it. And the egg began to haunt my thoughts. Somewhere in the beginning, I was stricken with writer’s block and I perused the NaNoWriMo support forums for help. That was when I learned about a Novel Writing Month tradition: the traveling shovel of death. All that time travel bullshit kind of happened on its own. Or perhaps a future version of myself penned it after the fact. Nobody really knows.
Was there a book that made you realize you wanted to be a writer?
There have been many books that made me want to be a writer. It is the first dream I can remember harboring. To that end, I think it’s safe to say that R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series is the primary culprit.
Who are some of your influences?
I’d say that Charles Bukowski has inspired me more than anyone else. I like his simplicity and readability. He is able to do so much in such an understated manner. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I am greatly inspired by Nicole Krauss. Her stuff is horribly convoluted, but make-you-stop-breathing beautiful. Anyone who reads The Egg will also notice that I’ve been greatly influenced by Christopher Moore and Chuck Palahniuk.
What's your favorite book?
My favorite book of all time is Maggie Cassidy by Jack Kerouac.
Who's your favorite author?
Jack Kerouac
What's the best book you've read in the last six months?
I’ve had really good luck the past six months. I read The Hunger Games for the first time (which completely blew me away). Ooh. And there was Guy N. Smith’s Night of the Crabs, which simply must be experienced. The book that most impressed me, though, was fellow NBASer Steve Lowe’s Muscle Memory. Fantastic book.
In addition to being a writer, you're a prominent reviewer on Goodreads. Has your interaction with the community changed much since The Egg Said Nothing was published?
I love GoodReads. I love, love, love it. I’ve spent a couple of years religiously reviewing every book I read. I wrote the book about a year after I became really active on the site. The GR community has been so supportive of my writing and I love them for it.
I try to keep my established identity on GR to the greatest extent possible. You may have noticed that I’m not a “GoodReads Author.” This is intentional. I want to hold on to all the aspects of GR that I love. If people want to talk to me about my book, that’s great. But I want to be their friend, too. I refuse to let GR just turn into another promotional tool. It’s too important to me.
If you were a performer in an adult movie, what would your stage name be?
Snowbear Second Avenue
Which of these George Lucas produced movies would you say is your favorite: Willow, More American Graffiti, or Howard the Duck?
I can’t believe you’re making me choose between Willow and Howard the Duck. I can’t even tell you how much I love both of those movies. Uh…..Willow, by a narrow margin.
Which of the Golden Girls would you say is the most attractive?
Sophia. Hands down.
Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?
First and foremost, find someone, preferably another writer, to read your stuff. Make it someone who you can trust to be honest. They’ll tell you when you’re on the right track and when you need to change lanes.
Keep writing. You’ll only get better. Don’t be deterred by naysayers.
If you can, find a magic pen. Or a genie that can give you great writing abilities. Those things would probably help, too.
What's next for Caris O'Malley?
That’s the question weighing on everyone’s mind. Fuck global warming. What’s Caris gonna do now?
I wrote a book last year called Clownhunter. I might do something with that. It’s still in the editing stages. At the moment, I’m working on an as yet untitled piece of young adult fiction that is decidedly not weird in any way. I’m hoping that Eraserhead will offer me a contract as result of The Egg. You can help me with this. Buy my book. I’ll love you forever. I swear it.
How did your becoming one of the New Bizarro Authors come about?
In November of 2009, I wrote a novel. It was kind of weird. I had just written it for fun and never expected to do anything with it. I wrote a book, and that was enough for me. One day, while surfing the Internet at work, I was perusing my Amazon recommendations. Those crazy bastards suggested, based on my history, that I might enjoy such titles as The Haunted Vagina, HELP! A Bear is Eating Me! , and The Baby Jesus Butt Plug.
As you might expect, I let out an audible “what the fuck?!” and investigated these odd titles. It turned out that they were all published by the same company: Eraserhead Press. I went to their website and looked around a bit. I was mightily impressed by their catalog, which featured many books that sounded interesting, funny, or just plain wrong. I decided to contact them and see if they were in the market for a book about an egg, time travel, and shovel murders. As it turns out, they were.
An Egg? Time Travel? Shovel Murders? Tell us how The Egg Said Nothing came to be.
It was National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org). I had never participated before, but I was excited about it. I wanted to adhere to the rules and write a book from beginning to end, one that I had never started.
But there were complications. About two weeks before the start of the month, I became a father. It was a huge adjustment for me and resulted in a lot of lost sleep. To make matters worse, my daughter had colic and spent the majority of her time howling like something that oft howls. That first day came around and I drew a blank. I had no idea what to write about. I had my computer on, the document open, and a crying babe on my knee.
So my mind started racing. I started to panic a bit. I had entertained the thought of writing a really great novel. I’m into literary fiction, and that was what I thought I’d be writing. But I couldn’t think of dramatic dialogue and subtle characterizations. Blame it on the newness of my fatherhood, but I started thinking about eggs. Specifically, what would I do if I laid one.
This, I thought, was a decent idea. I’d write about this goofy idea for the sheer fun of it. It was the only way I was going to make it through that particular NaNoWriMo. But then I got into it. I really got into it. And the egg began to haunt my thoughts. Somewhere in the beginning, I was stricken with writer’s block and I perused the NaNoWriMo support forums for help. That was when I learned about a Novel Writing Month tradition: the traveling shovel of death. All that time travel bullshit kind of happened on its own. Or perhaps a future version of myself penned it after the fact. Nobody really knows.
Was there a book that made you realize you wanted to be a writer?
There have been many books that made me want to be a writer. It is the first dream I can remember harboring. To that end, I think it’s safe to say that R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series is the primary culprit.
Who are some of your influences?
I’d say that Charles Bukowski has inspired me more than anyone else. I like his simplicity and readability. He is able to do so much in such an understated manner. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I am greatly inspired by Nicole Krauss. Her stuff is horribly convoluted, but make-you-stop-breathing beautiful. Anyone who reads The Egg will also notice that I’ve been greatly influenced by Christopher Moore and Chuck Palahniuk.
What's your favorite book?
My favorite book of all time is Maggie Cassidy by Jack Kerouac.
Who's your favorite author?
Jack Kerouac
What's the best book you've read in the last six months?
I’ve had really good luck the past six months. I read The Hunger Games for the first time (which completely blew me away). Ooh. And there was Guy N. Smith’s Night of the Crabs, which simply must be experienced. The book that most impressed me, though, was fellow NBASer Steve Lowe’s Muscle Memory. Fantastic book.
In addition to being a writer, you're a prominent reviewer on Goodreads. Has your interaction with the community changed much since The Egg Said Nothing was published?
I love GoodReads. I love, love, love it. I’ve spent a couple of years religiously reviewing every book I read. I wrote the book about a year after I became really active on the site. The GR community has been so supportive of my writing and I love them for it.
I try to keep my established identity on GR to the greatest extent possible. You may have noticed that I’m not a “GoodReads Author.” This is intentional. I want to hold on to all the aspects of GR that I love. If people want to talk to me about my book, that’s great. But I want to be their friend, too. I refuse to let GR just turn into another promotional tool. It’s too important to me.
If you were a performer in an adult movie, what would your stage name be?
Snowbear Second Avenue
Which of these George Lucas produced movies would you say is your favorite: Willow, More American Graffiti, or Howard the Duck?
I can’t believe you’re making me choose between Willow and Howard the Duck. I can’t even tell you how much I love both of those movies. Uh…..Willow, by a narrow margin.
Which of the Golden Girls would you say is the most attractive?
Sophia. Hands down.
Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?
First and foremost, find someone, preferably another writer, to read your stuff. Make it someone who you can trust to be honest. They’ll tell you when you’re on the right track and when you need to change lanes.
Keep writing. You’ll only get better. Don’t be deterred by naysayers.
If you can, find a magic pen. Or a genie that can give you great writing abilities. Those things would probably help, too.
What's next for Caris O'Malley?
That’s the question weighing on everyone’s mind. Fuck global warming. What’s Caris gonna do now?
I wrote a book last year called Clownhunter. I might do something with that. It’s still in the editing stages. At the moment, I’m working on an as yet untitled piece of young adult fiction that is decidedly not weird in any way. I’m hoping that Eraserhead will offer me a contract as result of The Egg. You can help me with this. Buy my book. I’ll love you forever. I swear it.
Charity (plus the New Bizarro Author Series)
It is wrong to unload crap you no longer want on a charity for a fundraiser? Let me rephrase that: Is it wrong if I unload crap I no longer want on a charity for a fundraiser? There's a drive for a charity book/cd/dvd sale at work and it seems like a golden opportunity to do a little spring cleaning. Maybe I can finally get rid of that copy of Hannibal I've been trying to get John at Books Galore to give me store credit for for the past eleven years.
My goal of interviewing all seven authors in the 2010-2011 New Bizarro Author Series has passed the halfway mark with Eric Hendrixson. I've got questions out to Nicole Cushing, a request for interview out to Caris O'Malley, and a goodreads friends request out to the elusive Kirsten Alene. Once I've finished interviewing the seven NBAS authors, I might have to move on to others on my Goodreads friend list.
My goal of interviewing all seven authors in the 2010-2011 New Bizarro Author Series has passed the halfway mark with Eric Hendrixson. I've got questions out to Nicole Cushing, a request for interview out to Caris O'Malley, and a goodreads friends request out to the elusive Kirsten Alene. Once I've finished interviewing the seven NBAS authors, I might have to move on to others on my Goodreads friend list.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)