Thursday, December 1, 2016

A Dream of Praying Mantises

So last night, I had a really weird dream.  I was walking with Rustin Cohle from True Detective.  As he spouted lots of nihilist philosophy, we walked past standing stones.  Upon each standing stone clung one or more praying mantises.

The mantises ranged from grasshopper size to two feet long.  The bigger ones wore vests and bandanas. The cocked their heads and gave Cohle their full attention.  I guess praying mantises are nihilists.

That's all I have to say about that.

Friday, September 2, 2016

So that's what that light means...

Monday morning, I was on my way to work when the battery indicator flared up on my dashboard. Since I'd never seen it before, I had no idea what it meant.

I had to get gas anyway so I stopped at the gas station. As dead dinosaurs flowed into my tank, I flipped through the manual.  Apparently, the battery indicator means there's a problem with the car's electrical system.  "Do Not Drive The Car" was written in bold.  After a few moments consideration, I decided that since I was only a few miles from home, I'd risk it.

The first couple miles went fine.  After that, things quickly went to shit.

Other lights on my dashboard popped up.  By other lights, I mean ever warning light possible. A mile after that, the fun really started.  The air conditioner quit and the power windows quit working. A mile later, the speedometer quit working.

"Hold together, baby," I said. Then the power steering went out.

After manhandling my car through two turns, pretty much every light on the dash went out. I coasted into my driveway just as the dashboard computer said "Goodbye" and the car went completely dead.

Long story short, it was a belt and a hydraulic tenser.